“And I know. I know how wrong you are for me. So why do I want you so bad?”
These things you do to me, they drive me crazy. In the darkness, you make me want to explore every sinful thought you bring to mind even though I know once the sun peeks over the horizon, you’d be long gone. Hearing your voice makes me want your mouth against my ear, but I know you’d only say things that set me on fire. Seeing your body move makes me want to revel in the way you’d make mine come alive, but I know you’d only leave me wanting more. You’re like a drug I can’t quit. And I know. I know how wrong you are for me. So why do I want you so bad? I need some new rules to keep me grounded in sanity.
“I wonder if you miss me the way I miss you.”
On nights like this one, I look up at the moon and wonder if you feel the same sense of melancholic nostalgia. I wonder if you miss me the way I miss you. I wonder how often moments like these bring you thoughts of me. On this night, does my memory haunt you the way you haunt me?
Where frights and laughs are everywhere, on this night, my spirit is only with you.
“I feel nothing but priveleged to be with you.To know you. To love you.”
It’s difficult to put into words, how you make me feel. When I connect the dots of freckles upon your skin, I feel like I’m tapping into a millenia of history. The sparkle in your eyes mirror the stardust that makes up your soul. After the eons of your existence, I feel nothing but priveleged to be with you. To know you. To love you. It’s like a waking dream, a wish upon a star. But that’s exactly what it is, isn’t it? A wish upon a star. Because you are descended from stars. At least, that’s what you are to me.
Its 12:56 a.m. and all I can think about is you. Your voice, your words, your hands, you. Let me sleep, God dammit.
When did I become this obsessed with you, huh?
The excitement I get when I see your text notification is nothing compared to the disappointment I feel when the text says – “can’t talk right now, sorry.”
When did the dread of you inevitably leaving begin to outweigh the joy of you unexpectedly being here?
My fear of commitment dissolved when you said the words – “I love you”. The fear of love was overthrown by the fear of never being loved.
When did loving you become more important than being wary of love?
The unavoidable path of our breakup someday is continuously shadowed by the faux talk of a forever (and I don’t seem to mind)
When did the hope of reaching a dream become worth the pain of reality?
I love you and you love me
When did everything else cease to matter?
Don’t promise me stars if they are not yet on the cards
For me, you don’t have to be someone you are not
We don’t need an ironclad contract assuring us
Of a happy ending for something beautiful to start
Future anyway has too many possible out comes
For us to be truly certain of getting any particular one
Merry or sad
I am happy, with just a little bit of hope
Having a little air of possibilities for dreams to breath in
And having this moment, here with you tonight
Writing our story one sentence at a time
No recipe to follow, No lines to stay within
Painting the canvas with colors which only we like
As we go along
Not all good stories have to have a happy end
And not all happy endings have to look alike
Not all the species that mate for life have to have a similar life
Some build a home together, Some hunt together and some fly together
Whatever we will be or whether we will or will not be anything at all
We have each other tonight and in this moment I am yours, you are mine
That’s enough for now
But as my heart grows fonder, the fear of unknown takes over at times
My already wounded heart freezes on touching anything sharp in the dark
Keep me warm when it gets cold like that, hold me till I stop trembling
But don’t sing me no songs that your heart is not completely in tune with
Don’t say the words until your thoughts can’t stop screaming it in your head
Don’t fall for me until you are all in, heart and soul in, everything you have, on stake
any less, and we will both lose
You whine about how I don’t love you, but how can I when you won’t let me. It’s easy to love you for you are everything nice and shiny but how can I when you won’t let me be me? For I am a hopeless romantic with a mind fed well by the classics of literature and the unrealistic scenarios of a prince who might save me from myself while you are just a regular boy still figuring out the difference between feelings and hormones.
My expectations from our love would make you tired and exhausted; for I can be bold and strong but I have grown up reading Mills and Boon and watching Shahrukh Khan romance women in the most unrealistic manner possible. I’d crave the comfort of your presence while you crave the sensation of my touch. I’ll be unpredictable and shall fulfill all your desires, but there’ll always be a part of me that has loved Disney ever since the beginning of my time.
You’re beautiful and out of league yet you somehow find something good in someone like me that doesn’t let you leave. Maybe you stay for I make your head dizzy with words and not drugs, because if I introduced you to my heart and its darkness and insecurities, you’d leave me empty and numb. You often warm my stone cold heart and make me smile, be it for only a little while.
I dream of passionate Sundowns and blissful mornings and wish for the unspoken cuddles and kisses. You don’t need to ask me to kiss me; I’d love for you to shut me up with your poisonous touch. I don’t want labels or commitments for I am scared of them too. But can we just agree on not kissing anyone else? Because my love is possessive and unfiltered.
I want you raw and real. Shed your layers and introduce me to your nightmares. Let me access the classified files of your life. You reach out for me during your highs’, I wonder if you’d do the same at your lows’. Your bloodshot glassy eyes make me vulnerable for I forget about myself and do everything to ease your pain. I’d rather die on the inside than have you break even a little. That’s how deeply I could love you if you’d just let me. I’d take the first and last step but I don’t want you to become a necessity to my sanity.
Let me watch you moan and whimper under the sensuous touch of my mouth against your hot skin. Burn me for all I care but I am here for it all. The drugs blur the mind enough but nothing compares to how intoxicated I feel in your presence. Let me kiss you breathless. But are you really my drug or am I yours?
I’d love you and be yours, body and soul, if you’d just let me.
That is, if I don’t love you already.